Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also, beer. Big fan.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
