if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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