sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
