Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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