I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
