If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
