Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
