maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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