When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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