My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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