; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
