making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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