So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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