No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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