then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
