Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
