i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
