i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
