Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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