Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
