We're facebook friends in real life
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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