now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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