Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
