His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
