what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
