Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
