Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
