and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
