how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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