I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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