If i could tip my vagina, i would.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
