i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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