I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
