you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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