if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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