Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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