sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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