So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
