Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
