Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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