Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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