I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
