whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
