the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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