I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I cut my penus on the lid.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
