I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
