Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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