dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
