Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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