i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
