She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
