fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he puts the penis in happiness.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
