if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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