Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
