Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
So. Much. Porn.
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