Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
